Morning Coffee (38)

Ladies and Gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for; the Morning Coffee is going online! Yes, that's right. For just zero cents a day, you can get all of your favorite editions, like edition 3, where I wax poetic about serious issues, and edition 16 where I randomly select topics that are interesting and say interesting things about them. Have unlimited access to the infamous "Word of the Day" and the ever interesting, thought evoking "On This Day in History." Remember fondly the times you've had with your Morning Coffee; the laughs, the tears. Share these memories with your loved ones for an incredible low price. All profits go to a very needy cause. But wait, there's more! For an additional zero cents a day, you get access to the biting commentary of another heavy-hitting "weblication" the City of Dis. Here, everything you hold sacred will be ripped apart by our Opinion Providers. Never be in need of an opinion again; we'll do the work for you! Supplies will never run out, so order yours today!

The only place where your Morning Coffee talks back:
http://the-morning-coffee.blogspot.com/

The site is still a work in progress. I'm putting all back issues in there, and the dates will line up with their original publication date. I will also provide links on the left to the other site mentioned. Soon I'll be swimming in ad revenue…

So, we're in a period of mourning for the late President Ford. I've been reading a lot about the guy, and he seems like he was a great man. Not great in a "change the world" way, like Julius Caesar or something, but great in that unassuming way. Actually, like most of the men and women of his generation. He seemed kindly, wise. I would have like to meet him.

Having said that, I'm a little annoyed at all the uproar being caused by Senator Harry Reid not cancelling his trip to South America in order to attend Ford's funeral services. Not the plural there. There will be more than one and there will be a number of other functions. Look, I'm all about honoring the dead, particularly Presidents and servicemen, but I find the insistence on dragging this thing out to be grotesque. It feels to me, too much like Ford (and all dead Presidents - remember Reagan?) is being paraded around the country like some sort of war trophy, or worse, like some sort of personality cult figure. This isn't Lenin or Stalin, and we're not in a authoritarian country where the leader is worshipped as a god. The Office of the President is what is honored, not the man. Yes, he should be respected, but he is still a man. Having gone on a completely errant tangent, back to the point. Who cares if Reid goes on this trip? He's conducting official government business by meeting with several leaders there. I think that these people get enough off days, they don’t need more. The government is already inefficient. I doubt that Reid had a strong relationship with Ford, so what's the big deal? I doubt Ford would be offended. I just don't get it. It's more politics. Reid et al are being railroaded for doing their jobs. I think there will be plenty of mourners available to attend services.

Alright, I'm out of here. Everyone have a safe and happy New Year's weekend. Oh, yay, my "anniversary" is on the first. I'll be sure to wish myself a happy one. What a load! Six wasted years…

Word of the Day: Acuity (noun): acuteness of perception or vision; sharpness. In a sentence: After a malfunction spanning six years, Halen's bullshit detector has been restored to its usual high acuity.

On This Day in History: US Army soldiers kill 400 men, women and children of the Sioux Nation at Wounded Knee, South Dakota. I'll bet you didn't read about that in your high school history classes.

"Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion." - Steven Weinberg.

I'm not entirely sure I agree with this quote, as I'm not entirely sure there exists the so-called "good people."

Morning Coffee (37)

You may have noticed that I skipped "36" in the numbering sequence (or you didn't, considering). I went ahead and mucked up the numbering on 19 Dec; I have two "31s." Since this also escaped the watchful eye of my readers, you will forgive me for this mistake. [Editor's Note: This has been corrected in the Morning Coffee Blog.]

Last night the History Channel began their Armageddon Week with "Last Days on Earth." Basically, a bunch of astrophysicists, biologists, geologists, climatologists, and the like got together and discussed the various ways that earth, or our species (or all species) will go the way of the proverbial dodo bird. They posed seven ways, ordering them from least likely to most likely. The first two I found particularly interesting. I'm not easily swayed by such speculative nonsense, but these two were so horrifying (likely because they were wholly unfamiliar to me), that I could do nothing but emit an incredulous chuckle.

The seventh, and least likely, way we'll perish is from what they call a gamma ray burst. Basically, it happens when a star dies. They either explode or collapse or both. In this case, the star explodes. NASA first found these gamma ray bursts while monitoring for Soviet nuclear weapons tests from space based platforms. They found massive amounts of radiation; more radiation that had ever been observed before. It turns out that it wasn't from some Soviet "mega-bomb" as had been feared, but from the death of a distant star. Our star is not in danger of going supernova on us anytime soon. But these scientists said they observe one gamma ray burst every day on average. If a star nearby (relatively speaking - I think they said the closest to us was 8,000 light years) were to do this, we'd have no advanced warning, as the radiation travels as fast as light. Our ozone (which ironically protects us from space radiation) would literally boil off. Everyone, even people inside and most below ground, would immediately show signs of sunburn. All cell repair would cease, hair and fingernails would stop growing, your body would stop healing. You wouldn't be able to absorb food and water as your intestines would cease to function. Virtually all human beings would be dead in a month. Our planet would turn into a big radioactive ball of dust. Fun.

The sixth fun way to die is almost as enjoyable. Apparently, in 2000, scientists that some black holes can actually move through space. It's possible that one of these roving black holes, which move at about 10 km/second or so, could mosey on into our solar system. The worst part about this is we'd have decades of advanced warning. Scientists would probably see it coming long in advance. First, the outer planets' orbits would become skewed. Then, as it moved closer to earth, it would throw the tides off so much that they would not be measured in feet, but miles. The atmosphere would then be ripped off earth. Things would begin to stretch (you included) as earth's gravity and that of the black hole competed; the winner in this contest is clear. You will reach singularity, along with the rest of earth. We as a race will never have been so close. We could never escape, as our entire solar system would be consumed by this monster.

They then went into the rest of the "traditional" ways we'll die off. Supervolcano (any one heard of Yellowstone?), plague, computers with god-like intelligence, nuclear war, etc. Ho hum. But then, with a political-scientific coup de grace, the number one and most likely way: global warming. Of course, it's all pinned on us too. Then they went into some "we'll be our own deaths, why can't we stop global warming, etc" rambling. They even had average joes say what they'd do in the event of the end of the world, and how they'd feel. One idiot said something to the effect: "The Romans destroyed themselves, the Greeks destroyed themselves. We've inherited that legacy, so it's only likely that we'll do the same." Then I realized average joes should not be given the opportunity to speak in such an potentially influential forum, lest they pollute the minds of people who still have a chance to be relatively educated. I wanted to say to the guy, "I think it's a little more complicated than that." Not to go too overboard here, but the Greeks and Romans didn't invent nuclear weapons. Furthermore, I'd like to point out that there were other groups of people gunning for them. It's like a baseball game, and the announcer saying that the losing team destroyed itself. The other team had a little something to do with them losing. I'm sure the Vandals are happy that their legacy is overshadowed by "Rome destroying itself."

Irregardless of the stupidity of average joes, black holes are exceedingly interesting and also scare the crap out of me.

You'll likely notice flags at half mast this week. Gerald Ford, the only president to never elected to nationwide office, passed away. If you don't know, he was selected by Nixon to be his vice-president when Agnew resigned. He ascended to the presidency when Nixon resigned, but his pardoning of Nixon of all crimes he may have committed while in office likely cost him a shot at being elected in 1976. Nevertheless, he was later credited with helping the nation move on and get over the scandals of the Nixon era, and the humiliation of Vietnam. He was 93.

Word of the Day: Effete (adjective): 1. lacking in wholesome vigor; degenerate; decadent; 2. exhausted of vigor or energy; worn out; 3. unable to produce; sterile

On This Day in History: The Hagia Sophia is completed in what was then Constantinople, modern day Istanbul (537 BCE). The Turks later took the city and converted the church to a mosque in 1453. In 1935, it was converted into a museum. It is viewed as one of the most advanced and ambitious works of architecture and engineering in late antiquity.

"I'm frightened at night and the wind has a roar. It seeps through the hall and from under the door, like the shit that was said, I can't take it that well. I give and I give and I give and I give and I'm still lost and hurt and bone thin from the love that's been starved. I know I got close but I'm sure it's too far from the point of suspense that we know it should be; the end of the part of our favorite movie. When the guy grabs the girl and give her his hand, says, "Take me away from this torturous land." 'Cause the grave is set up, the hole that I dug. I gave and I gave and I gave and I gave you my trust. Like the times that we kissed and you gave me a lie. To act off this scene you pretended to cry. But I'm here and I'm cool, that's the way that it is. You could give me a chance but I'll never forgive. I really had it with all the rain and the fears, the predictable storm that has come every year. And it sneaks from the shore with the bat in its hand. I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying I can't. You're a thief and a witch, but I loved you to dead. You stole my heart and I curse under my breath. But the one thing I can most willingly prove is that when you are gone I'll be fine without you." - Liberties taken with Angels and Airwaves' "Do It For Me Now"

Morning Coffee (36)

Welcome back. My apologies for not sending out a super-special, Christmas weekend edition of the Morning Coffee. But I figured most of you expected something like that, and in order for it to be a surprise, I didn't send one. So, you are thus surprised. I do hope that your Christmas weekend was better than mine, although that shouldn't have been too hard. Being repeatedly beaten about the head and neck would, by default, qualify you as having a better Christmas weekend.

Not too terribly inspired today, so if today's Morning Coffee is watered-down and stale tasting, blame my Muse. She too has apparently left me for another.

The Associated Press reports that the death toll for US servicemen in Iraq has reached 2,974. In case you don't have the number etched indelibly into your head, that number, folks is one more than the deaths on 9/11. I can say only this: So what? The media seems to report these numbers as if they mean something in the grand scheme of things, like every milestone is somehow significant. A few weeks ago, they report that the "War on Terror" has lasted as long as US combat involvement in WWII. Again, so what? What I find remarkable is the lack of context. They just report these number as if to say, "See, it's all mucked-up. More troops have died in Iraq than people in the World Trade Center! Gasp!" I would like for our great, wise media to try to tell me what that means. The problem is, they can't, because it doesn't mean anything. There's no correlation between the number of dead troops and dead 9/11 victims. There's no correlation between length of combat operations in WWII and the "War on Terror." None. They try to provide some faux metric that means nothing so it looks like they're reporting something significant. If they connect random, meaningless figures to events that are, in our minds, epic, it somehow lends weight to their inept, meaningless reports.

Here's a fact for you, and it's very important: more fish were caught and killed yesterday than all the people that died in WWII combined. See, now the first figure is important, because it's tied directly to an event that is incredibly important to our collective psyches. It means nothing folks. No, I take it back. It does mean something. It means that 2,974 of our servicemen have died fighting in Iraq. That's what it means. I simply do not understand why they report these things attached to something unrelated.

And another thing. I remember at the start of this current conflict, senior military members where very hesitant to report enemy casualties. Something about remembering how Americans became obsessed with enemy KIAs in Vietnam and how those KIAs had no relevance to winning or losing there. However, it seems that in the absence of any significant progress being made in Iraq, more and more weight is being lent to numbers of dead insurgents, etc. I noticed this trend quite a while ago, and brought it up to some friend. I've always maintained that we're killing more of them than they are of us, but that's just a simple fact. That doesn't mean we're winning and they're losing. Let's just be careful and not get wrapped up in the numbers and figures. We killed far more VC than they killed of us, but we still lost. We should remember that.

A showman, musician, and great man passed away yesterday. The Godfather of Soul, James Brown died after proclaiming "I'm going away tonight." He was 73. Too bad. The AP, in another instance of stellar reporting, states that "Brown was to rhythm and dance what Bob Dylan was to lyrics." What does that mean? One can only assume it's a compliment. Frankly, Bob Dylan typically sounds to me as if he's got a bag of marbles in his mouth, so it seems hard to speak to the quality of his lyrics. Of course, James Brown wasn't known for the clarity of his vocals either. Nevertheless, it sucks that he died.

Word of the Day: Bricolage (bree-koh-LAHZH) (noun): Construction or something constructed by using whatever materials happen to be available.

On This Day in History: Soviet special forces take over the presidential palace in Kabul, Afghanistan (1979). I've been in that palace. Also, 26 December is a national holiday in many Christian countries (but not the US). Some countries call it Second Christmas Day.

"If there were no rewards to reap, no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. Gonna wait it out. If there were no desire to heal the damaged and broken net along this tedious path I've chosen here I certainly would've walked away by now. And I still may…I still may. Be patient, I must keep reminding myself of this." - The Patient

Morning Coffee (35)

This weather is outstanding. According to the Weather Channel, it is currently 53 degrees out here in Dayton. It's dark, rainy, and nasty. Supposedly some thunder on the way. I could not ask for better weather right now. Some of you know that I have always preferred this type of weather. Give me 50s and rainy any day. You can keep your sun.

So, I'm driving home from the gym yesterday and I pass a church. Yeah, imagine that. I like this trend at churches these days, of putting up massive signs with witty quotes and turns of phrase. Frankly, I envision ever higher and larger signs as each church competes for customers, er, patrons. It will be like getting off the highway and you see those signs for McDonald's and Burger King reaching several stories; you know the higher the sign the more you want to go there. Accept with churches, the higher the sign (didn't it used to be the steeple?) the closer that church is to the lord. And the higher the sign, the larger the flock. The flock, through their tithes, fund larger and larger signs bringing the church closer to god and attracting more members. It will be a vicious cycle as our skyline is dominated by church signs saying well thought out things like, "God reads knee mail." Yuk, yuk! It's like they've got Chris Rock's writer they're so funny.

Anyway, I digress. I'm telling you about ONE sign in particular here. This sign said quite simply: "It's Christmas, not X-Mas or Happy Holidays." When I first read it, I only saw the first two lines, as the bottom line was obscured by some bushes (hence the need for HIGHER signs), so I thought it was about indecency etc. You know, "X" mas. Well, I soon got their point. It's telling me that the holiday is Christmas! It's not some secular Happy Holidays, or some shortened and lazy X-mas. Nein mein Fuhrer! I'm sorry, Mr. President [Dr. Strangelove reference]. It is the celebration of the lord Jesus Christ's birthday. We already went over the issue of the Jeez-meister's birthday and the attribution of 25 Dec to various other gods, so we needn't rehash that. Besides, I hate reruns. But what I find absurd about it is the fact that these people get so upset over such a trivial matter. (Oh, they hypocrisy, no? Here I am writing about it! Idle hands are indeed the devil's playground!) Who cares if other people say Happy Holidays? What if they're Jewish? And X-mas? Come on! In Greek, Christ begins with an X or chi. The Roman Empire, once it adopted Christianity, used XP as its symbol (the X is superimposed over the P - it looks kind of neat actually). The X was used long before the cross was adopted by Christians as a symbol of faith. For that matter, fundamentalist Christians should thus be enraged every time they see a cross as it's not the "true" symbol of Christ. I do find it amusing, however, that some of these Christians see the secularist movement in essence using a Christian symbol to "cross out Christ" and they don't even realize it. Worse than that, they take offense to it. They should be happy! It's actually putting MORE Christ in Christmas! My opinion: Say whatever holiday greeting you want. I have used Merry Christmas on more than one occasion I'm sure. Of course, I know where Christmas came from too, so it's hard to expect anything worse than whining. Look Christians, I cannot even legally run for office in seven states, so don't tell me about persecutions. A vast majority of Americans subscribe to the same thing as you do, so stop with the inferiority complex. Let the Jews, Muslims, Hindus, etc, of this country get into the season's spirit and say a hearty Happy Holidays.

On to less caustic issues. Was watching TV last night and am noticing a trend in commercials. I may have mentioned this obliquely in a previous edition. Time-Warner cable touts their product as unleashing "the power of you." I'm tired of everything being about "the power of you." It's like they're trying to enable you. You're worth it, pamper yourself. Everything's about you. It's like those lies we tell our kids: You can be anything you want when you grow up. No, you cannot. Sorry. I wanted to be the Beastmaster when I was six. Guess what, it didn't happen. Instead of my dad telling me that it was impossible, and that maybe I should set my aspirations to a slightly more achievable, yet still lofty desire of being a Marine, he told me that I could in fact do whatever I set my mind to. He may not have used those exact words, but either way, my dreams were crushed when I figured out that I could not in any way establish a psychic link with my dog OR a wild animal. So I guess I settled for being a Marine. When my son asks me if he can be, I don't know, a Mighty Morphing Power Ranger, I will crush his dreams with a vengeful boot heel right from the beginning. Besides, I don't want him to go running around trying to establish a psychic link with a wolverine hopped up on angle dust. That'd be the wrong time to figure out the truth. And I have the scars to prove it.

I've been put on the spot today. Expectations are running high for the last Morning Coffee before X-mas (although perhaps there will be some sort of "weekend edition"). One faithful reader has asked me to mention the great leader of Turkmenistan Saparmurat Niyazov, who passed away recently. I must ask though, how many of you have even heard of the place let alone know where it is on a map without looking it up? I thought so. So it's unlikely that you've heard of the shining light that is Turkmenbashi - The Leader of All Turkmen. This guy is remarkable, and his death is most unfortunate. The man truly cared for his people, wanting to lift them from the depravations of communism and empower them as Time-Warner does you. He certainly spared no expense; he simply put his people on his back, and they rode him to modernity. He's easily in the illustrious category of a Saddam Hussein, or a Robert Mugabe. He could be compared to Hugo Chavez or Ahmedinejad - although for my money, he's a better all around dictate, er, leader than either of those two. Look, the man might not have had the raw talent or charisma of Hitler or Stalin, but that just meant he had to devote himself to his craft with more zeal. Like Tony Gwynn worked on his hitting, Turkmenbashi worked on his dictating - day after early day in the batting cage of authoritarianism. Look people, Turkmen loved this guy so much they had pictures of him in every house! They even paid for colossal gold statues of him! That is love if it is anything. You really have to be a quality leader to have your bust and portrait adorn the halls and walls of every building in your country. Does George Bush have these things? No. What about Bill Clinton? Nope. We've had some great leaders in our country, folks, but none of them have been great enough to rename, yes RENAME, the days of the week and the months of the year, all for us. They simply didn't have the verve, the zest for life, that Turkemenbashi had. Personally, my days just got a little bit darker knowing Niyazov is no longer looking out over his country. Well, perhaps he always will, what with the massive gold statue that turns throughout the day to always face the sun. I guess a void is left in the hearts of all Turkmen; especially the ones who loved him so much that they had to flee the country (without coercion) because their love threatened to force them to pull a John Hinckley and shoot someone to impress him. Turkmenbashi - you will be missed.

Word of the Day: Panegyric (noun): 1. a lofty oration or writing in praise of a person or thing; eulogy; 2. formal or elaborate praise. Good word, thanks. I hope my attempt does it justice.

On This Day in History: Year of the Four Emperors: Vespasian becomes the fourth Roman emperor within a year, following Galba, Otho and Vitellius (69 CE). Vespasian would last ten years; a good bit longer than his three predecessors. Vespasian started work on the Coliseum. Also, Mayflower pilgrims land on Plymouth Rock (1620). Due to my own ineptitude, switch yesterday's On This Day in History with Today's. Yesterday's was actually 22 Dec, and today's is 21 Dec. Sorry about that. Nevertheless, I still want to become acquainted with Jennifer Hawkins as soon as you can arrange it. Big happy birthday to my future girlfriend.

"A groan of tedium escapes me, startling the fearful. Is this a test? It has to be, otherwise I can't go on. Draining patience, drain vitality. This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old. But I'm still right here giving blood, keeping faith. And I'm still right here. Wait it out, gonna wait it out. Be patient (wait it out)."

Morning Coffee (34)

Oh, what a day. After having the joy of reading some "legal paperwork" I am in no mood to write pithy commentary about any issue. However, since "duty" calls:

The President of Iran says that America, Britain and the Zionist regime (i.e. Israel) will "vanish like the pharaohs." Specifically: "any power that is close to god will survive while the powers who are far from god will disappear like the pharaohs." Is he talking close, like, geographically, or metaphysically? Because we in the US have a pretty solid claim to being close to god geographically. Mormons say that the big Jeez visited here. Not to mention, we've got some pretty high mountains. Anyway, Ahmedinejad's statements reflect the typical over-simplification of mewling propagandists. Using glamorous, emotion eliciting words with no consideration given to what those words really mean. What does he mean by "disappear like the pharaohs"? I'll bet he doesn’t know that pharaohs existed for quite a long time. It's not like they simply vanished in a puff of smoke once god became angry at them. They existed for more than 3,000 years. Furthermore, Ahmenidejad's god, (and yours too likely - Judaism (and thus Abrahamic religions) traces its lineage back to ~1,800 BCE) didn't even exist for most of the time Ancient Egypt was a power. After Egypt became a Roman province (30 BCE), Roman emperors were known as pharaohs while in Egypt. If I were the US (wait, I am sort of), I'd be pleased with his insistence that we will disappear like the pharaohs. We've got about 3,000 years or so left to be kicking around.

That's it, I'm done for today.

Word of the Day: Malaise (noun): 1. a vague feeling of discomfort in the body, as at the onset of illness; 2. a general feeling of depression or unease. How fitting.

On This Day in History: Jennifer Hawkins, Miss Universe 2004, and a girl with whom I would like to become acquainted, was born (1983). She seems nice. Yes, that's the only neat thing to happen today in all of recorded history. What do you want from me?

"Compassion is broken now. My will is eroded now. Desire is broken now, and it makes me feel ugly. I'm broken, looking up to see the enemy. And I have swallowed the poison you're feeding me, but I believed all the promises you feed me; leaving me guilt fed, hatred fed, weakness fed. It makes me feel ugly."

Morning Coffee (33)

Today, Morning Coffee with a side of irrelevance:

I'm beginning to suspect that the unit coin that I carry around for luck is not all that lucky after all. I've realized that it was when I started to carry the coin every day that virtually everything that could go wrong has indeed done so. I gave my grandfather a copy of the coin, which is for 3rd Marine Division's G-2 shop. When he died, I took the coin that I gave him and put it in the left breast pocket of his suit coat when he was buried. From that day on I have carried my coin in my left pants pocket without fail; whenever I leave the house, the coin goes in that pocket. That was late May 2005. I could go into the laundry list of things that have happened since, and most of them aren't good. But that would be depressing and pointless. The fact of the matter is I fear this coin is somehow cursed, and has thus cursed me. And I'm not exactly sure what to do about it since the coin has sentimental value in its connection with my grandfather.

Odd isn't it? An atheist with paralyzing superstitions? Funny thing is, they rarely work. But I cannot seem to break their hold on me. Regardless, it would be very nice if I had a string of good luck that went beyond the minor things like finding a decent parking spot against all odds. I'm talking something substantial. No, not winning the lottery; you have to play to win, and I don't. But something great, and something for which I didn't have to fight an uphill battle, against the elements and the will of the gods. Just something that falls in my lap and makes getting up every day something other than a monotonous, crippling chore. Not going to happen, but I can certainly wish. Maybe I should go a week without the coin.

In other news, my Entry-Level Analyst's Tools and Skills (ELATS) paper is finally set for publication in the Marine Corps Intelligence Association's (MCIA) seasonal magazine INTSUM. It should be out soon. You may say, "there you go, your lucky break." No. It was originally picked up for publication well over a year ago by Competitive Intelligence Magazine and their editor simply dropped off the face of the planet and never contacted me again after I signed a whole bunch of paper work binding me to various responsibilities. So, I waited around for a while, because I was still under "contract" to not seek initial publication elsewhere. Some time went by and I finally sought other outlets. MCIA got ahold of it (since I'm a member) and they wanted to publish it. This was in, oh, I don't know February of last year. Three issues have been publishes since, and my paper was supposed to be the featured article in each. Now, I'm not complaining, but I would be hesitant to say that this is my lucky windfall. For one, it doesn't pay. No one pays for your first publication. And any future publications would require substantial work on my part, and would probably not be worth the time I would spend researching and editing my work. I might do it for a hobby, but not for supplemental income. Especially not while in a graduate program in Ancient and Classical History. So, anyway, it'll be out in a month or so. None of you will probably ever see it, but I'm going to try to rustle up some copies for distribution. That way everyone can be so proud of how successful I am professionally, whilst my private life is like a bad LSD induced episode of Jerry Springer. Wow. Is that negative? Well, perhaps tomorrow I'll brighten up your Morning Coffee with some Irish Whiskey and some creamer. But you all know what I think about tomorrows.

Word of the Frickin' Day: Derogate (intransitive verb): 1. to deviate from what is expected; 2. to take away; to detract; --usually with "from"

On This Day in History: Judge John E Jones rules against mandating teaching "intelligent design" in schools (2005). I know, I know, what a boring day. It was either this or the surrender of the Knights of Rhodes to Suleiman the Magnificent (what kind of pretentious putz has that name anyway) in 1522. They eventually resettled in Malta and became, you guessed it, the Knights of Malta.

A quote…I'm trying to think of a good one. Perhaps tomorrow.

Morning Coffee (32)

Gutentag;

I expected to come in this morning with an inbox full of complaints that the Morning Coffee hadn't been delivered in a timely fashion, but no one said a word. Well, I came in late today. Why? Because I didn't feel well. But, when do I?

On my way in, it appeared as though the police were looking for someone. They had a couple of roads blocked off, which made my commute a real pain. Surprisingly I found my way to work with little trouble. I guess dead reckoning works sometimes. The real problem with coming in late around here is parking. If you come in after 0700, good luck. You're parking at least a half mile out. However, Fortuna smiled upon me today, and I found a parking spot only 1/4 of a mile out. See how good she is to me? I guess I can't complain. No, actually I can. I curse Fortuna and her worthless pity-smiles.

As a follow up to a piece last week: the UN is urging circumcisions in southern Africa. Chief circumcision proponent Dr. Peter Piot says, "These countries should now prepare to introduce circumcision on a large scale. The science is clear." I will disagree with the respected Peter (no pun intended). I think the science is opaque at best. See, circumcision might lower the risk of contracting HIV or AIDS, but it's still very possible to get it. What works better than slicing off a part of your anatomy? I know, I know, pick me! Condoms. Condoms protect not only the men (and their foreskin) but the women. Imagine that? This study suggests to me that women aren't really all that important. It's the men that need to be protected. It's ignoring the issue. AIDS kills, and it will not stop killing simply because you forcibly remove the foreskin from millions of men in Africa. It will kill men, and the men who do contract it, even if it's the alleged 50-60% less men, these men will spread it to women, who, as luck would have it, contract the disease far more easily than men. So, what they're saying is that it's okay for women to die off, but not men. I think the real need is to address the sexual habits and culture of Africans, not mutilate their genitalia. Condoms, abstinence, whatever. But why remove something they're born with? Oh, I know, because our beloved Papacy can't endorse condoms, because it wastes seed, etc, etc. It's simply easier to disfigure people than preach safe sex. One would think that rationale would prevail in the argument against dogmatic lunacy, but when has that absurdity ever transpired? (Inquisition…check…Salem with trials…check…Earth as the center of the universe…check…)

Factory workers sometimes get their fingers, hands and arms stuck in heavy machinery. I suggest that we eliminate this risk by amputating the arms of all factory workers. Desk jockeys sometimes get carpal tunnel. Easy fix: cut off their hands at the forearm. What's that you say? Teach them safety practices that will mitigate risk? Never. The answer is clear. Remove the body parts in question and the problems will go away. I'll do you one better, UN. Just remove these Africans' penises and the AIDS problem will vanish. And then, we'll move on to you. But, you've already had your foreskin removed, so the issue is moot to you, no? We wouldn't want anyone looking different from you now, would we?

Word of the Day: Somniferous (adjective): bringing or inducing sleep, as drugs or influences.
On This Day in History: Three ships, Susan Constant, Godspeed and the Discovery depart England for what will become Jamestown, Virginia. Thus starts the thirteen colonies (1606). Yay for the colonies...

"I'm praying for rain. I'm praying for tidal waves. I wanna see the ground give way. I wanna watch it all go down. I wanna watch it go right in. Watch you flush it all away. Time to bring it down again; don't just call me a pessimist, try and read between the lines. I wanna see it all come down, suck it down, flush it down." - AEnema

You have my solemn oath: tomorrow's Morning Coffee will be a bright, shinning beam of sun-shiny happiness and optimism. But I'm afraid that tomorrow never comes. All you have is today and the remnants of yesterday. See you in tomorrow's today.

Morning Coffee (31)

Good morning. The weather outside is not frightful, and there is no fire, thus it cannot be delightful. I say, don't let it snow. Ever.

Sad news this week. Scientists report that the Chinese white-fin dolphin, a fresh water dolphin that has apparently been around for some 20-million years, has been driven to extinction. The dolphin had no predators in its Yangtze habitat, and it is believed that human activity led to its extinction. Boat motors may have interfered with the animal's sonar making it difficult to find food or mates. Pollution of the Yangtze may have also contributed, though scientists say that the pollution was of a low enough level to allow healthy living there. It was also hunted by local Chinese as various white-fin dolphin body parts were used medicinally by folk healers. They've known the dolphin was threatened for 30 years or so, but they didn't do much, obviously. It's too bad, but it happens. I also read that the orangutan may have but 10 years left in the wild.

The New York Times reports that many Americans living overseas are renouncing their citizenships after new tax laws were passed that sharply increases taxes for them. I find this interesting and disturbing. Apparently, the US is the only developed country that requires citizens living abroad to pay taxes. Not really sure what to think about this. I value my citizenship above most things in life; I'm not sure that anything could prompt me to give it up. Yet I understand their concerns. These people have to pay heavy US taxes and taxes in the country in which they are living. That's a lot of taxes.

Some days, I wonder why I even try to force the boiling water through the filter. The pot is largely hit or miss as far as making a decent cup.

Word of the Day: Futile (adjective): 1. incapable of producing any result; ineffective; useless; not successful; 2. trifling; frivolous; unimportant.

On This Day in History: The Battle of Trebia (Second Punic War) - Hannibal's forces defeat those of the Roman Republic (218 BCE). This would be the first in a series of poor showings by the Romans against Hannibal during the Second Punic War, and serves to illustrate how one event can lead to a chain reaction in history. The defeat at Trebia forced the Romans to elect two new consuls to lead the army and one of those consuls would lead the Roman army into utter disaster two years later at Lake Trasimene. Virtually all of the 30,000 Roman soldiers were killed, drowned or captured during that battle. Subsequently, the Battle of Cannae a year later (216) (which happened after another election of incompetent consuls) would be one of the costliest in all of recorded history. The Romans would lose at least 50,000 men killed, and 10,000 captured; another 10,000 would surrender to Hannibal in the next two days. Over 80% of the entire Roman army was destroyed. Hannibal would lose nearly 17,000. All told nearly 70,000 deaths in a mere day of HAND TO HAND fighting. No guns, no bombs. Just swords and spears. Remarkable. This casualty figure would not be matched until the first day of the Battle of the Somme in 1916, 2,200 years later. A battle fought over a 25 mile front with guns, bombs, and artillery. Rome's brilliance lies not in her tactical superiority, but her ability to overcome horrendous defeats and mitigate the effects of incompetence. Just imagine what she would have done had some of her generals not been so poor…

"When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion." - Richard Dawkins.

"With heavy breath awakened regrets. Back pages and days alone that could have been spent together, but we were miles apart. Every inch between us becomes light years now. Now time to be void or safe up on life. No, you've got to spend it all." - Lightyears.

"Alea iacta est." - Julius Caesar. And thus, we can never go back.

Morning Coffee (30)

Another day goes by…At least the weather's good for now.

Castro does not have long to live apparently. Can you imagine a world without Fidel? It's hard to. The man's been in power in Cuba for as long as any of us have been alive - since 1959. He's been in power for as long as my mother's been alive. It's quite remarkable, considering how he is despised by our government. They've tried to kill him a number of times. We've been embarrassed more times than I care to remember. I wouldn't go thinking that you'll be able to travel to Cuba the day after he kicks the bucket. No, I imagine that we'll be barred from going there for a long time. And it should be so, right? We are the freest country on earth after all, why should be allowed to go wherever we want? I've got news for you: You're as free as they allow you to be, and your short memories makes you even less free. You simply forget so quickly how easily they strip you of your supposed freedom. You're as free as you want to be, and you cede your rights so easily. Your choices are being made for you too. We are given but the illusion of freedom.

Yes, there is usually some weak justification for the removal of your freedom. "It's bad for you, thus you shouldn't be allowed to chose it if you want it." "Going there supports communism." "Buying that supports terrorism." "Your tourism there supports the regime." "We know best." Sometimes I do think it's best that the shepherd looks out for the flock, but mostly the flock should be left alone. I needn't be told that McDonald's food is bad for me, and I needn't the nanny state dictate to fast food chains what their products should contain. I know what I'm getting when I pull up to the drive thru. Everyone does. Similarly, everyone knows what they're getting when they buy a pack of cheap Seneca cigarettes: nothing good. No one should be able to argue that they were duped into smoking or duped into eating a Big Mac. But because you people claim just those things on your litigation, the nanny state feels they need to look out for your best interests, because, lo and behold, you're too stupid to look out for yourself. It's obvious. "I didn't know smoking caused emphysema; the marketing campaign told me that light cigarettes were good for you." "They're marketing to children by including little toys with the meal. How was I supposed to know that grease soaked fries would clog my arteries?" "Please save me from myself, nanny state!" We've reaped what we've sown. We've shown ourselves to be incapable of rational thought and logical decision-making so frequently that we've forced the nanny state's hand. You go wherever they tell you. End Rant.

Word of the Day: Malignant (adjective): 1. disposed to cause harm, suffering, or distress deliberately; feeling or showing ill will or hatred; 2. very dangerous or harmful in influence or effect; 3. pathology: a. tending to produce death, as bubonic plague; b. (of a tumor) characterized by uncontrolled growth; cancerous, invasive, or metastatic.

On This Day in History: Nero, fifth and final emperor of the Roman Julio-Claudian dynasty, was born (37 CE). Also, the Bill of Rights becomes law after it is ratified by Virginia (1791).

"You crawled away from me. Slipped away from me. I tried to keep ahold, but there was nothing I could say. You slide and crept away, and there was nothing I could say. So what you're trying to say, is you don't want to play. But what you want and what you need, don't mean a fuck to me."

"I am habitually habituating in my habitat." - Anonymous

Everyone have a great great weekend, doing whatever it is you do.

Morning Coffee (29)

For the first time in nearly three months, Fortuna smiled upon me every so briefly this morning. While waiting in an impossibly long line to buy a Red Bull, a new register opened taking only credit/debit cards. It saved me maybe ten minutes. Such a small thing really, but when Fortuna Mala seems to throw at me something new ever day, I'll take a brief respite and welcome any measure of good luck.

Thus, today's Morning Coffee is brought to us by Fortuna and Red Bull. May they both give me wings today. Although, I'll bet Fortuna won't come around again for another three months. But I'll always have my Red Bull…

The other day the Prime Minister of Israel admitted that Israel had nuclear weapons. He did not do so directly; it was more obliquely. Iran is already latching onto that statement, saying that Israel is a destabilizing factor in the region. I think this admission raises an interesting possibility. I would not be surprised if Iran now comes clean with their nuclear weapons program, and does so fairly justified and comes out better than they otherwise would have. They could argue that their nuclear weapons program is justified as a measure of self-defense. They could say that they have a legitimate fear of an Israeli first strike. That would not be outside the realm of possibility; the Israelis have done that before. I'm not sure if this was a mere slip of the tongue, or a veiled threat to Iran. Either way, I don't think it was a good move.

The whole proliferation issue is a moral quandary anyway. You've got nations that have nuclear weapons, and some with a very substantial stockpile, telling other nations that they cannot have them. Nuclear weapons are an undeniable status booster, so many nations view them as their way of getting to "the big boy table." I will say that some regimes shouldn't be trusted with nuclear weapons, but I'm not convinced that all current nuclear powers always act rationally either. The Israelis surely do not trust the Iranians to be responsible with nuclear weapons and material, and they fear proliferation of either a full blown weapon or radiological material to Hezbollah, et al. But similarly, Iran probably does not trust Israel to possess them responsibly. It's a cycle: One nation has them, the other nation feels it needs them to provide a deterrent, then each nation builds more and more in an attempt to gain a nuclear edge. It happened once in history. It's happening in Pakistan and India. It might happen in East Asia (Japan/North Korea?). This situation might be interesting to monitor.

Big study in Africa regarding circumcision. Wouldn't you know it? Their results state that circumcision cuts the risk of HIV in half. I read this article and I find many holes in their science. Frankly, I don't think it's a science issue. I think it's a religious/cultural one. The spottiness of their science points out the obvious to me. The National Institute of Health is an American organization, staffed by Americans mostly, who are Christian mostly, who have American and Judeo-Christian values. What's one of those values? Circumcision of course. I think the evidence is anecdotal at best, and the stats merely point to the answer these people wanted. Some HIV specialist from Harvard lauds the news as "very exciting." He's been arguing for years that circumcision slows the spread of HIV/AIDS. The study does not seem to track the amount of sex each man had, the specific sexual acts performed, whether or not their sexual partners had HIV, or anything that would give this study merit. The only thing it says is that a lower number of circumcised men in this study happened to contract HIV. Without context, it means little. The Harvard expert says, "Lots of wealthy elite have already done it. It prevents STDs, it's seen as cleaner, sex is better, women like it. I predict that a lot of men who can't afford private clinics will start clamoring for it." All said by a guy who likely lost his foreskin at birth. How does he know that sex is better? This guy is jealous and simply wants all others penises to look like his. If he can't forcibly convert these pagan bastards, then by god he'll at least convince them to make their genitalia appealing to the lord's sensibilities. He'll get them somehow. Next, baptism in holy water will miraculously cure malaria, all you have to do is accept the Jeez in your heart and repent your sins and the malaria will disappear right along with your foreskin.

The removal of the foreskin will do nothing to slow the spread of HIV/AIDS in Africa; you can still get it. In fact, millions of people with no foreskin have still contracted HIV and other STDs. The only thing that will slow the spread of these things is the teaching and instilling of good sex ed in these people, not the application of your religious fix-all cure.

Lastly, astronauts had to take shelter from a violent solar storm. Somewhere, someone is trying very hard to connect this storm to global warming and the "man-caused" build up of greenhouse gases. Mark my words. More quasi-science.

Word of the Day: Contemn: (verb (used with object)): to treat or regard with disdain, scorn, or contempt. Credit to a reader who sees the value of the WoD, and wished to see it keep its current "flavor."

On This Day in History: The Wright Brothers make their first attempt to fly at Kitty Hawk, NC. They crash. Three days later, after making repairs, they would be given a can of Red Bull, Fortuna would grace them, and they would make history, and forever change our world.

"I have struggled to see why it's so easy to push me aside. I no longer believe that you were ever on my side."

"I'm sorry, it's a habit." - Unattributed.
"Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters." - Nathaniel Emmons.

"Adsis, Mars! Ecce, Mars! Sum Primo Questor! Hi cruenti viri tibi dati sunt a me!"

Morning Coffee (28)

It is nearly 50 outside. Tomorrow's high is forecasted to be 57. Poor Erie's only going to get to 45 tomorrow. I guess it could be worse; you could have another foot of snow. Don't worry, it'll come.

I just had what may be the best breakfast sandwich ever. Rarely do I eat out anymore; my meals consist of ramen noodles mostly, with the occasional bologna sandwich, but I decided to stop at Tim Horton's for a coffee. I'm tired of making it here ever day. Well, I get one of their sausage, egg and cheese sandwiches and I must say I am very impressed. I went in with low expectations, but I think it beats the pants off any major chain's breakfast sandwiches. You should try one. Today's Morning Coffee is brought to you by Tim Horton's. With coffee as hot as felsic magma, your taste buds will be scared into thinking our stuff is good.

Huge response of outrage regarding yesterday's story about Rep Reyes. And by huge, I mean one. Which is good. I mean, if I were a teacher, it would all be worth it if I could just make a positive impact on one child's life, isn't that what these idiots tell themselves? Oh, by impact I mean the gaping dent in his forehead from the stapler that I hurled at him because he was passing notes to his troglodyte girlfriend. Did I also mention that the kid whom I hit with the stapler was wheelchair bound and only had a few weeks to live because he was dying of some rare, un-named illness?

Also, what kind of moron says that sort of thing anyway? "If I just impact one child's life, it will all be worth it." What will be worth it? The thousands of dollars you spent on your degree? Dealing with countless rejects, the pride of America? And what if the one kid you impact is in your first class, wouldn’t' that seem sort of anti-climatic? Would you then be a terrible teacher for the next 25 years, tormenting poor students because you already accomplished your goal and were bitter that it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to?

Oh, what a day. I got nothing.

Word of the Day: My system's broken, thus no word today. Sorry to disappoint.
On This Day in History: The Roman goddess Tellus Mater (aka Terra Mater) was celebrated in the Carinae district on the Esquiline Hill and a table was spread for the goddess Ceres as well. Tellus Mater means "Mother Earth" and she was celebrated as such. She is also associated with marriage, motherhood, pregnant woman, and pregnant animals. Perhaps I should have prayed to Tellus.

Behold, the lamest Morning Coffee you've ever had.

Morning Coffee (27)

My apologies for not having a steaming cup of Morning Coffee in your inbox yesterday morning. I was not feeling quite myself; haven't for a while now, and despite the passage of time, it doesn't seem to get much better. But, today's another day, as they say, and I will give it my best effort.

I fear for my country. Why, you ask? Because the incoming head of the House Intelligence Committee, Rep S. Reyes (D-TX), is, well, not quite up to snuff on some very basic things. He was recently interviewed by Jeff Stein of Congressional Quarterly, who asked some very simple, basic questions such as: al-Qaida, Sunni or Shia? Reyes not only didn't know, but he guessed. Poorly. "Al-Qaida, they have both. You're talking about predominately? Predominately - probably Shiite." Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. First of all, one of the most basic concepts I learned in intel school is that if you don't know the answer you DO NOT GUESS! Next question; Hezbollah, what are they? Reyes, who is paid $165,000 a year to be on the House Intelligence Committee, laughed and shifted in his seat. He replied, "Why do you ask me these questions at five o'clock? Can I answer in Spanish?" Will speaking in Spanish suddenly make Reyes an expert on terrorism? I doubt it. This makes me sick.

I'm not asking these people to become leading experts on terrorism, or even intelligence practices. But come on. This is pure ineptitude. There is no excuse for this sort of laziness. Why did Pelosi select this guy when he hasn't even a basic, A BASIC knowledge of terrorist ideology? Did she even know that he doesn't know anything? Heck, does she? Look, I'm sure many of you don't have that knowledge, and that's alright. You're not being paid $165,000 to know it. There does not appear to be any sort of vetting process when these people are selected. They're picked mostly for their loyalty to whomever picks them, and no one questions it. This is merely cronyism. The congressional aides are the ones that do most of the work. I once wrote a weekly intelligence update for an Erie congressman, and as far as I know, he never read it. His aide, however, called me constantly with follow-up questions; we had a good working relationship.

This is sad. We are going to be defeated because these people don't care. They have no cares in the world beyond getting re-elected or having their party "take power." Once they take power, the leaders place their lackeys in whatever positions they want. Some of these positions are coveted because they are used as a springboard for future leadership positions. Frankly, I would say that 5% of these hacks are qualified for any job they hold in government. Most of them would be better off if they stayed on the boards of major Fortune 500 companies. I have something to say to them: Stay out of government, you serve only to muck it up.

Word of the Day: Argus-eyed (adjective): Extremely observant; watchful; sharp-eyed.
On This Day in History: Massacre of Ma'arrat al-Numan (First Crusade): Crusaders breach the town's defenses and massacre ~20,000 people. They then resort to cannibalism when they run out of food (1098). Another peaceful religion spreading the word of the "lord."

No quote today, I haven't anything sufficiently negative or vitriolic, and do not have the ambition to search for something good. Tomorrow I will make amends.

Morning Coffee (26)

Good Morning. And today, it might actually be a good morning. I'm in a fairly good mood. Maybe it's the serotonin, who knows.

I don't have much that I want to discuss today. It's Friday, and that means the weekend is upon us. Many of you will have it off, and will likely enjoy your free time. Some of you will have to work. I will have free time, but I doubt that I'll enjoy it much. In fact, I dread the weekends most of all. Too much free time in a house with too many memories and is far too big and far too lonely. It's times like this, free time, that I envy idiots with their ability to not think about anything. I’m a prisoner of my own intellect. Ironic. I would come to work if they paid me for it. I'd just as soon work seven days a week. Maybe I'll go back over-seas.

So, everyone enjoy their weekend. Give me a call if you're bored. Hell, come on down/up/over to Dayton if you can afford the expense.

I did however, finish Rome last night. Which I guess is a tragedy, since I can't now use it to waste time this weekend. Brilliant show though. Ending was something else.

Word of the Day: Nettlesome (adjective): Causing irritation, vexation, or distress.
On This Day in History: Pope Pius IX proclaims the dogma of Immaculate Conception, which holds that the Virgin Mary was born free of original sin (1854). This is not the first time this was brought up, however. The Feast of the Immaculate Conception was first celebrated on 08 Dec 1476, but the it was not defined as a dogma of the faith - Christians were allowed to believe it or not. Not after 1854, though. Then it was established as dogma, and was thus true. That took a long time to determine, no? My kid was immaculately conceived too; I didn't spill so much as a drop. It was immaculate. And if anyone thinks my kid was born as a sinner, I will immaculately provide you with a one way ticket to meet Mary and you can ask her yourself.

"Whatsoever I've feared has become my life. Whatsoever I've fought off became my life. Just when every day seemed to greet me with a smile, sunspots have faded. Now I'm doing time. 'Cause I fell on black days. Whomsoever I've cured I've sickened now. Whomsoever I've cradled I've put you down. I'm a search light soul they say, but I can't see it in the night. I’m only faking when I get it right. 'Cause I fell on black days. So what you wanted to see good has made you blind. And what you wanted to be yours has made it mine. How would I know that this could be my fate? 'Cause I fell on black days."

Until Monday. Oh, the last person on the distro list does not really exist.

Morning Coffee (25)

I know.

Good Morning. However, the "goodness" of this morning (or any morning) remains to be seen. I will let you know at 1159.

Big news yesterday, of which I'm sure you all heard. NASA announced that they found substantial evidence that suggests recent water flows on the surface of Mars. They've taken some 240,000 images of various locations in the past nine years using the Mars Global Surveyor, and in doing so have been able to compare before and after photos over the years. Remarkably, several sites they looked at exhibited characteristics of significant water flows (the amount equal to approx 10 regulation swimming pools) down the side of a few craters. These results were shocking even to the scientists involved. No longer are they chasing water; they've found it. During their press conference, of which I watched about 30 minutes, they went in to detail and argued their case quite methodically. Let me say that the existence of water on Mars is not a new discovery. It has been known for some time now that Mars does have subsurface ice and water which is subject to seasonal frost; this has been observed. However, surface water has not. Liquid, moving surface water. I think this is one of the more significant scientific findings of my lifetime. Does it mean that there exists life on Mars? No, not necessarily. But it does increase the odds a bit. Life needn't be the observance of Martian cows; it could be as simple as single celled organisms, or as some scientists theorize, nano-bacteria that is a mere 10% of the size of the smallest currently known organism (the existence of such bacteria anywhere, including Mars, is itself hotly contested in the scientific community). Interestingly enough, virtually no one in my office seemed to care all that much. I guess no one cares about space anymore. Other than Hawking that is.

I know.

Almost as, and perhaps more surprising than the recent Mars discovery, incoming House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-MD) has announced that the House of Representatives will actually have to work this year. Some of you know of my disdain for our government's laziness. I wrote what I thought to be a pretty good blog about it earlier this year, you know, before my life went to shit and I did such things as update my blog. Anyway, this year's Congress will have worked a grand total of 103 days. Yes, that's all year. Typically, these hacks, to whom we pay $160,000 a year, work a mere three days (and not 8 hour days) a week. That is when they're not in recess; which is a lot. Month off in August, six days for Memorial day, two week recess in April…it goes on and on. So they're going to have to earn their money this year, although one could argue against their actually earning their wage no matter how many five day weeks they will work this year, which will NOT be as many as I will, I'll wager.

To add a bit of cynicism, the reason is probably to pass a bunch of laws real quick to highlight the Democrat's "efficiency" during the 2008 election run up. I truly doubt they're doing it because they believe that to do otherwise is somehow wrong.

Nevertheless, the new schedule is causing some dissent in an otherwise tight ship (I say that in jest, obviously). Some of the enlightening things said:

• "Keeping us up here eats away at families. Marriages suffer. The Democrats could care less about families - that's what this says." - Jack Kingston (R-GA). Really Jack? Boo hoo. How about the troops in Iraq? You think that doesn't destroy marriages? How about students going to school full time, while working nearly full time, while worrying about making enough money to feed his family and stressing about finding a job after graduation? You think that doesn't destroy marriages? Think again pal. Suck it up. You've got way more money than most of us plebeians, and you can retire after your term's up and have a good retirement check and benefits for life. I don't want to hear your incessant mewling.


• "I'll have to talk to the other mothers and see if we can move it to the weekend." - Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL) regarding running her 7-year-old daughter's Brownie troop meetings. Huh. For some reason I don't have sympathy for you Debbie. Moms and dads all over the country have to juggle their brutal work schedules with family commitments. Some of them, for example our men and women in uniform among others, do not have the luxury of seeing their kids at all, even on the weekends. And most of them aren't able to provide private school educations to their kids either. Parents have to miss stuff all the time. It sucks, but it's part of growing up. How dare we, the people of the United States, ask you to inconvenience yourself and your family to do your job?

Is that harsh? Perhaps. It isn't the first time, and won't be the last that I'm accused of being harsh. In fact, just the other night I was accused of being just that. But the fact is, these people should be honored to serve their country in this capacity. It shouldn't be looked at as some burden, some inconvenient duty that should otherwise be shirked. If they don't want the job, they can give it to me. These people get automatic raises every single year, yet they complain about having to work a five day week? Millions of Americans have the same work schedules. Perhaps it's time our aristocracy sinks to our level.

I know.

Word of the Day: Cozen: (transitive verb): 1. to mislead by means of a petty trick or fraud; deceive; 2. to persuade or induce to do something by cajoling or wheedling; 3. to obtain by deceit or persuasion. (intransitive verb): to act deceitfully.

On This Day in History: Do I really need to tell you?

Pearl Harbor (1941) - "Yesterday, December 7th, 1941, a date which will live in infamy, the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan…deliberately sought to deceive…by false statements and expressions of hope..." Select excerpts from FDR's speech to Congress on 08 Dec 1941.

I implore you to take a moment this morning and think about what this day means to our history and our future. It awakened a sleeping giant; a military and economic superpower, the likes of which had never been seen in the history of the world. No empire or nation has ever wielded this sort of power; nor has any nation or empire done so with such tact and restraint. We are heirs of the legacy of the Greatest Generation, and it is our duty to preserve that legacy, improve upon it, make it our own and continue to shape the future. We have big shoes to fill, and we may never grow into them, but that does not absolve us the responsibility of trying…we must try. For if we don't, we will lose everything that they built. And everything that we want to keep.

"I'm back down. I’m in the undertow. I'm helpless and awake in the undertow. I'll die in within your undertow. It seems like there's no other way out of this undertow. Euphoria."

And a bonus, just for you:

"Who are you to wave your finger? So full of it. Eye balls deep in muddy waters, fuckin' hypocrite. Liar, cheater, mirror show me what's the difference? So who are you to wave you finger? Who are you to wave your fatty fingers at me? You must have been out your mind. You must have been high."

I know.

And because of that, another:

"I don't want to be hostile, I don't want to be dismal, but I don't want to rot in an apathetic existence either. See, I want to believe you, and I want to trust you, and I want to have faith to put away the dagger. But you lie, cheat, and steal. And yet I tolerate you. Veil of virtue hung to hide your method while I smile and laugh and dance and sing your praise and glory."

Morning Coffee (24)

It appears that winter's grip is firmly locked in place. I can tell every morning when I wake up; the knees and joints ache a little. For the last couple of days, those of you in Erie have been experiencing your first major snowfall. I find that incredibly amusing. I hope you get hammered all winter long; I hope it piles up like bodies in Stalingrad, and continue to do so into April. I despise Erie for that very reason (among others - namely the place is over-run by the dead and dying - just like the city itself), and glad that I no longer live there. I have no pity for those of you who are still there, or have chosen to return to the gods' forsaken place. It maybe cold here, but at least I don't have to shovel my driveway three times a day. And rest assured, I probably won't have snow in April. However, when it gets this cold, I do wish I would have taken the job in Tampa…

I really hate it when you have a word you want to use, but you can't find it. Where the hell does the word go? I know with what letter it starts, but the word will not come. Never (well, rarely ever) is something so frustrating as that. Ah…there it is…persistent.

I really have nothing today. I was going to write about something interesting, but I find that it's not all that interesting after all. At least not at the moment.

Word of the Day: Licentious: (adjective): 1. sexually unrestrained; lascivious; libertine; lewd; 2. unrestrained by law or general morality; lawless; immoral; 3. going beyond customary or proper bounds or limits; disregarding rules.

On This Day in History: Kiev falls to the Mongols under Batu Khan (1240).

"Under for the third time. I've been baptized by your voice. It screams from deep beneath the endless water. And it's half as high as heaven, and half as clear as reason. It's cold and…and black like silt on the riverbed."

Morning Coffee (23)

Good Morning All;

I'm drinking tea this morning. I'm conducting an experiment. It's called "will-anyone-make-the-coffee-if-I-don't." Every day I make the coffee, and every day, others drink it. Only one time, when I stopped at Tim Horton's on the way in did someone make coffee. At least the tea's good. And probably better for me somehow.

If you're in the New York-New Jersey area, be sure to stay away from Taco Bell. Huge outbreak of E. coli; 39 people infected after eating at Taco Bells in the area. I'm sure there's more than one person in New York or Jersey that I'd like to contract E. coli, but I wouldn't be so lucky. I say this in jest; virtually no one deserves to get E. coli poisoning.

It appears that we're going to have a self-sustaining moon base by 2020. No humans have been to the moon since 1972, although I'm sure a few aliens have stopped over for some R&R while on their way to Area 51, or Hanger 18 if they're coming to the Dayton area. Yay for humans.

In the spirit of cynicism, Gwyneth Paltrow is doing a bit of damage control after remarks she made a few days ago about Britons being so much more civilized and intelligent than Americans. Now, after that story broke, she's "proud to be an American." She's so angry that she was "completely misconstrued and [she] never, ever would have said that." In fairness, she supposedly did the original interview in Spanish. However, I'm not sure how the translation can be misunderstood when you say, QUOTE I like living here because I don't fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans. END QUOTE. Seriously, how can you misunderstand that? My opinion: Pick a side Gwyneth. Show some freaking' loyalty. Either you're proud to be an American, or you want to be British. I don’t see a middle ground. It's like she's saying that she's proud to be stupid and uncivilized. Loyalty…For all I care, you can stay in Britain. I'm not sure what you add to American civilization; perhaps you can contribute in a meaningful way to British…probably not though. I think they've got plenty as well.

Some new, full body X-ray machine has people up in arms about privacy. The machine is to be used at airports, to screen people who need to undergo secondary screening. It's supposed to be an alternative to physical pat down procedures. Problem is, it shows a pretty high fidelity outline of the body. Now, I wouldn't say it's erotic; you can't see hair or make out much in the way of facial features. But it's remarkably good at detecting things otherwise hidden. Nevertheless, some idiots are complaining about it - too demeaning, etc. I guess they'd rather have some fat guy grope them, and, failing that, some terrorist dude sneak onto the plane some explosives. I've done security; searching people for weapons and contraband, hundreds of people, is not fun. And it's not that efficient. I'd much rather run them all through one of these machines. You have zero risk of missing something, and you don't have to constantly touch people in ways they'd rather not be touched. People think too much of themselves. These security people have to do this to hundreds of people, they're not going to be so enamored with your body and/or genitalia that they're going to stop their work. You're not that great, so move on. They're not saving these images to a hard drive, and the genitals will be blurred out. I think that you need to cede some rights for the sake of others' safety, and, a novel concept, your own, when traveling via airplane. I'd feel much safer knowing that everyone, me included, went through this machine before boarding. If you don't like it, you can drive yourself to Tokyo.

It's interesting how I can make so little seem like so much.

Word of the Day: Dissemble (transitive verb): 1. to hide under a false appearance; to hide the truth or true nature of; 2. to put on the appearance of; to feign. (intransitive verb): to conceal the fact, motives, intentions, or sentiments under some pretense; to assume a false appearance; to act the hypocrite.

On This Day in History: Excellent day today: Cicero reads the last of his Catiline Orations (63 BCE). Charlemagne becomes the sole king of the Franks (771 CE). Emir Edigu of the Golden Horde reaches Moscow (1408). Pope Innocent VIII issues the Summis Desiderantes, a papal bull that deputizes two men to root out witchcraft in Germany, leading to one of the most brutal witchhunts in European history (1484). Columbus becomes the first European to set foot on Hispaniola (1492). A German-born Swiss physicist Albert Einstein is granted an American visa (1932). Told you.

"Here comes the water. All I knew and all I believed are crumbling images that no longer comfort me. I scramble to reach higher ground, some order and sanity, or something to comfort me."

Until tomorrow...

Morning Coffee (22)

Good Morning All.

Winter has us firmly in its grip, eh? Something like 18 degrees out. I despise winter for two reasons. One, static cling. Two, it's winter. What is there to like? Snow? Please. Christmas? Again, who cares? The withering broadside that USS Morning Coffee dealt Christmas in edition 18 should have served to permanently crippled the capitalist flag ship HMS Christmas. The heavy cast iron guns of truth ripped through the flimsy hull of Yule that wrapped around a keel of capitalist greed. Winter sucks. Period. I see nothing good about the season. It is useless.

Something not useless, however, is coffee. I watched a great special on coffee on the History channel, one of perhaps four channels that can be considered real TV. They, of course, gave the History of coffee, which might be a bit younger than you think. They delved into the different brewing methods, cultivation practices, how it's produced, even instant coffee. Utterly fascinating show. The world's most expensive coffee is Kopi Luwak, which is made from coffee beans that have passed through the digestive track of the palm civet, a "cat-ish" creature in Indonesia. The beans are harvested from the animals feces. Yum. Goes for something like $300 a pound.

I've watched most of the HBO series Rome over the weekend. It's an excellent series. The character development is fantastic. Not much in the way of fighting; so not much like Band of Brothers in that regard, but the bond between soldiers is shown well in the relationship between Lucius Verenus and Titus Pullo. These two are perhaps the luckiest unlucky chaps ever to have served in the Roman Army. While these common citizens know of the most important qualities: love and loyalty (and Verenus and Pullo are fiercely loyal - it's a beautiful thing that), the aristocrats are the most immoral and corrupt people ever. Constantly politicking and maneuvering, using thugs to terrorize another family while maintaining plausible deniability. It's sick. To me the intrigue is just that, interesting. But what I love about the show is the human relationships between the lower classes; the essence of their lives is captures perfectly. The ethos of the Roman soldier (bravery, loyalty, honor - perhaps the only traits worth anything) is completely embodied in Verenus, and the slow witted perseverance of a common man in Pullo. The show is pretty devoted to detail, so it's remarkably accurate. To the point that the layman might not get many of the references. I fancy myself as an amateur Romanist, and there is a great deal that I must look up. But I do like the show a great deal. And they're doing another season, thank Iuppiter Optimus Maximus, that starts on 14 Jan. I'll have to wait for it to come out on DVD though.

Word of the Day: Skulk (intransitive verb): 1. to hide, or get out of the way, in a sneaking manner; to lurk; 2. to move about in a stealthy way; 3. to avoid responsibilities and duties.

On This Day in History: Lisa Beamer, wife of Todd Beamer, through the Todd M. Beamer Foundation, registers the trademark "Let's Roll" with the Patent and Trademark Office, less than three months after his death on 11 Sep 2001. How quickly she acted, eh? Well, at least I'm not actually dead.

Today is also the day during which the secret rites in honor of Bona Dea were held. Bona Dea is the Roman goddess of fertility, virginity, and women.

"My warning meant nothing, your dancing in quicksand. Why don't you watch where you're wandering? Why don't you watch where you're stumbling? You're wading knee deep and going in. And you may never come back again. This bog is thick and easy to get lost in. I hope it sucks you down."

Until tomorrow...

Morning Coffee (21)

Good Morning;

If there's one thing that I know to be true, it is not that Joseph Smith is the prophet, it is that you can't get any Morning Coffee if I don't have your email address. Thus, if I don't have it, you're not getting any. So pass that along to your friends who want to be added to the distro list. They've already missed 20 riveting editions.

There are two things that I hate (well, there's a lot more than two, but we haven't the time). One is windy days, and the other is old lady perfume. I've dealt with both already today. I know some of you like your windy days, and some of you might like old lady perfume, but for me, they both suck. Especially if it's also raining and dark. And you're an old lady.

Allegedly, a woman at Rochester International Airport saw a soldier's flag-draped casket being put onto a cart with passengers' baggage. She's caused quite the uproar with her allegation. The parent's of the soldier, who was identified by the crafty "Democrat & Chronicle", were very upset, and rightfully so. However, no one besides the "D&C" and the woman and her ilk who "saw" the incident believe that it could have happened that way. Military protocol does not allow for these types of indescretions. The airport director said that it's physically impossible given the size of the caskets and the size of these baggage carts. Did the woman see such a thing? I have no idea, but I doubt it; I know how the military reveres its dead. I don't want to believe it either. But I also don't want to believe an American would lie about something like that, just because he/she doesn't agree with the war. The death and subsequent return of the body of my fallen comrades goes beyond political affiliations and their memory should not be sullied with petty political squabbling. Here's my solution: If this woman is proven to be lying, you put her in front of a firing squad. If she's telling the truth, you take the same measures against the soldier/airman/Marine/sailor who was so callous as to disrespect his fallen brother in such a way. Agree with the war or not, these men (and women) are doing what they're told, and doing so in an honorable way. We owe them our respect - democrat, republican, libertarian, or otherwise - we owe them that.

In other, less anger inspiring news, a limestone Roman sarcophagus dating from around 410 CE was found near London. Apparently, the man inside was 5'6" and died in his 40s. Very interesting.

Word of the Day: Cozen (KUZ-un) (transitive verb): 1. to cheat; to defraud; to deceive, usually by petty tricks; 2. to obtain by deceit. (intransitive verb): to act deceitfully.

On This Day in History: US Patent Office recognizes 01 Dec 1885 as the day the first Dr. Pepper was served, thought the exact day is unknown.

"Clutch it like a cornerstone, otherwise it all comes down. Justify denials and grip 'em to the lonesome end. Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down. Terrified of being wrong. Ultimatum prison cell."

I'll do better Monday.

Morning Coffee (20)

Good Morning;

If there's one thing that I know to be true, it is not that Joseph Smith is the prophet, it is that you can't get any Morning Coffee if I don't have your email address. Thus, if I don't have it, you're not getting any. So pass that along to your friends who want to be added to the distro list. They've already missed 20 riveting editions.

There are two things that I hate (well, there's a lot more than two, but we haven't the time). One is windy days, and the other is old lady perfume. I've dealt with both already today. I know some of you like your windy days, and some of you might like old lady perfume, but for me, they both suck. Especially if it's also raining and dark. And you're an old lady.

Allegedly, a woman at Rochester International Airport saw a soldier's flag-draped casket being put onto a cart with passengers' baggage. She's caused quite the uproar with her allegation. The parent's of the soldier, who was identified by the crafty "Democrat & Chronicle", were very upset, and rightfully so. However, no one besides the "D&C" and the woman and her ilk who "saw" the incident believe that it could have happened that way. Military protocol does not allow for these types of indescretions. The airport director said that it's physically impossible given the size of the caskets and the size of these baggage carts. Did the woman see such a thing? I have no idea, but I doubt it; I know how the military reveres its dead. I don't want to believe it either. But I also don't want to believe an American would lie about something like that, just because he/she doesn't agree with the war. The death and subsequent return of the body of my fallen comrades goes beyond political affiliations and their memory should not be sullied with petty political squabbling. Here's my solution: If this woman is proven to be lying, you put her in front of a firing squad. If she's telling the truth, you take the same measures against the soldier/airman/Marine/sailor who was so callous as to disrespect his fallen brother in such a way. Agree with the war or not, these men (and women) are doing what they're told, and doing so in an honorable way. We owe them our respect - democrat, republican, libertarian, or otherwise - we owe them that.

In other, less anger inspiring news, a limestone Roman sarcophagus dating from around 410 CE was found near London. Apparently, the man inside was 5'6" and died in his 40s. Very interesting.

Word of the Day: Cozen (KUZ-un) (transitive verb): 1. to cheat; to defraud; to deceive, usually by petty tricks; 2. to obtain by deceit. (intransitive verb): to act deceitfully.

On This Day in History: US Patent Office recognizes 01 Dec 1885 as the day the first Dr. Pepper was served, thought the exact day is unknown.

"Clutch it like a cornerstone, otherwise it all comes down. Justify denials and grip 'em to the lonesome end. Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down. Terrified of being wrong. Ultimatum prison cell."

I'll do better Monday.

Morning Coffee (19)

Another warm day here in Dayton. A man could get used to this sort of weather; maybe there'll be a thunderstorm today too. If it stayed just like this all year 'round, I'd be happy. Well, maybe not happy, but it would be a step in that direction. I'd be happy with the weather, let's put it that way.

On to better things than the fleeting notion of "happiness." There's a lot of talk lately about "civil wars" (which surely aren't expressions of happiness), what defines a civil war, and if Iraq is in the throes of a civil war. This is taking place largely in the media where they constantly bicker amongst themselves about pointless things like whether or not they're going to use the word "terrorist" "homicide/suicide bomber" and "jihad." And our politicians (retired or otherwise) are keen on opining. I had really given it much thought, because it doesn't really matter what you call it, so long as you've correctly identified the problem and have a plan (what a novel concept) with which to solve it. Yesterday, a good friend of mine, a colleague if you will, emailed me with the link to an article and I got to actually thinking about the situation there, specifically the nomenclature of said situation. Since I'm about as motivated as a sloth today, I'm going to largely cut and paste my response to his email below. Here's my take:

Until the fighting is between long lines of men in blue and grey uniforms facing each other and firing repeatedly into the opposing line, I cannot in good conscience call it a civil war.

In all seriousness, I think the argument is sort of ridiculous. What we have here is not civil war, it's anarchy, which is defined as: political and social disorder due to the absence of governmental control. I'm not entirely convinced that all the parties concerned have power, and by that I mean the desire to form and control a government (call it "legitimate power") and thus the population, in mind. I think a lot of it's centered around, as the article says, "tit-for-tat" violence with no real goal other than eradicating the opposition. And if one of these groups, the radical types, were to ascend to power, there would be little in the way of reconciliation. The other groups would be persecuted OR hunted to extinction. Moderates might be willing to reconcile and such, but the Sadr militia and their ilk probably won't.

Furthermore, I believe that a lot of what we're seeing is simply random violence and crime. People develop a taste for that sort of thing over time - especially when retribution is called for (which it IS in Islam AND Arab tribal mindset). It's a lot like the gang wars of the early 20th century; but with RPGs and IEDs. The people that are in this particular category care nothing of legitimate power, they care only about making a buck or getting a car or a cell phone or worse, killing people. And I don't think it's possible to get an accurate depiction of what is being conducted by whom simply because of the level and scale of the anarchy there. Who knows what is done for criminal reasons, or in conjunction with a larger goal of insurgency or terrorism or freedom fighting.

Frankly, we can call it whatever we want except "mission accomplished."
What will probably happen, perhaps what should happen, is the destruction of Iraq as a nation, and the establishment of separate entities. Will that solve the problem? Who knows. But it would make some of it more manageable and certainly more quantifiable. But it's really not that simple either. Regional powers do NOT want Iraq partitioned like a proverbial hard drive, nor do they want the violence to spill into their borders. Turkey and Iran both have a "Kurd problem", which sounds more grotesque than threatening. Iran likely wants Iraq to remain Iraq because it does not give the Kurds legitimacy (and the Turks would agree), and if the Shia are in power, it gives them significant influence in the country - think Hizbollah but with a seat in the UN and a real, honest to goodness flag that flies over embassies. In terms of geopolitical goals, regionally, some countries do not want a strong, stable Iraq. They're content with it being weakened. But it cannot be fractured, because it would give the Kurds, who are really only one step above Israelis in the eyes of most Arabs, the chance to forge a nation (which the already have for the most part). It would also present the possibility of a "REAL" war, not civil or otherwise, and a REAL war threatens to drag other nations (Saudi Arabia, Jordan) into it overtly. It could be real bad for all parties. I could put forth my version of a worst case scenario, but perhaps I'll leave that for tomorrow.

I think the bottom line is this: the only way for these problems to be solved is for average Iraqis (Arabs, Christians, Kurds, Shia, Sunni…) to want it to be solved so badly that they're willing to risk their lives to do it. I think that only when we leave will we see a true civil war, and thus the end of anarchy, and the possibility of one side, good or bad, coming out on top and establishing order. As it sits right now, we're preventing Darwinism from occurring. We're fighting all sides. We're playing a game here: we're not only fighting all sides, but we're (trying to) playing all sides.

Look at our Civil War. The South arguably had no chance of winning after a certain point, but when they lost the possibility of foreign support, their end was brought about much more swiftly. The British and French sided with the North after Antietam; the South was doomed. Afghanistan was much the same. The Northern Alliance and the Taliban were battling it out right up until 11 Sep 01 (and had been for years); the conflict had reached a sort of stasis, but the killing would have gone on a lot longer. We picked a horse, and rode it to victory, and until recently, stability. Perhaps that's what we should do: pick a horse. Unfair? Perhaps. But this is real politik if it's anything, and real politik is not fair.

Just my opinion mingled amongst the thousands of other opinions. Of course, maybe I'm saying what no one else wants to say. Our "PC-ness" might doom us. Let me put forth this: the Roman and British Empires did not last as long as they did because they were politically correct. It's because they did what they needed to do. Are we an Empire? That's another story all together, and one that's really quite moot.

So there you have it.

Word of the Day: Heterodox (adjective): 1. contrary to or differing from some acknowledged standard, especially in church doctrine or dogma; unorthodox; 2. holding unorthodox opinions or doctrines. Perhaps a fitting word today considering I would be flogged if I put forth the above ideas.

On This Day in History: Battle of Sinop - Imperial Russian Navy destroys the Ottoman fleet at Sinop in northern Turkey (Crimean War) (1853). This war is seen as the first modern war and would change the way war (and the treatment of wounded soldiers - Florence Nightingale) would be executed. Cigarettes were even invented.

"Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet. Cut myself on angel's hair and baby's breath. Broken hymen of your highness, I'm left black. Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back." - Nirvana, "Heart-Shaped Box".

And so no one thinks Rodney Adkins is a genius philosophe (maybe he's a philosophaster): "If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill