Morning Coffee (84)

The newest Internet Explorer is the clunkiest, crappiest web browser I’ve ever laid eyes upon. It tries to be everything Firefox and Opera are, but fails miserably. Sure, it’s got tabs and pretends to be customizable, but it isn’t. After messing with it for ten minutes or so, I cannot seem to move the icons anywhere, which are now nowhere near where they used to be. I’m all about improving a product, but IE’s been one way for about, oh, ever, so moving around functional keys and making them seemingly immobile in locations nowhere near where they were is not a good way to do business. It annoys me. End rant.

The MC is Pro-Choice…:

…when it comes to items to discuss. And there seems to be few choices in today’s news. We can read about Jamie Lynn Spears’ pregnancy woes, or the Presidential campaign. It appears these things are all that is happening in the whole wide world. Sure, I could once again bore you with my snore inducing discussion on the election, but I won’t today. It’s the Friday before the holiday on which we celebrate the birth of that one guy while refusing to acknowledge the holiday’s connection to other guys that came before the one guy. Confused? Me too.

The Year of the Four Emperors:

Since the MC cannot compete with the sensational Jamie Lynn drama currently playing out in the tabloids (and the New York Times) or the regal excitement of the election cycle, we might as well discuss something that will thoroughly bore you. To tears even.

In 68 CE, that’s 1,939 years ago, Rome was on the verge of turmoil once again after nearly 100 years of stability. Nero, the unpopular last emperor of the Julio-Claudian dynasty was forced to commit suicide, and was succeeded by Servius Sulpicius Galba. Galba didn’t make many friends, especially in the army, as he refused to pay them the rewards he promised. This is no way to ensure a long rule as emperor of Rome. When the legions refused to recognize him, he panicked and named a young senator as his successor. This didn’t please Marcus Salvius Otho, who bribed the Praetorian Guard which killed Galba in the Forum.

Otho was immediately accepted as emperor by the senate. It seemed like stability would once again reign, and that Otho would be a fair ruler. However, Aulus Vitellius, the governor of Germania Inferior, felt himself worthy of rule. His key qualification? The loyalty of the finest legions in the empire. Otho tried to secure peace, but the gears of the war machine were already turning and Otho was defeated at Bedriacum. He then committed suicide, having served as emperor of Rome for three months.

The senate, with their typical moral fiber, immediately recognized Otho’s vanquisher, Vitellius. He committed a major political faux pas though, especially in superstitious Rome. On 18 July, the anniversary of the disastrous Battle of Allia in 390 BC, Vitellius chose to accede to the office of Pontifex Maximus, the highest religious office in Rome. Three hundred years previous, and the Romans remembered getting slapped around by filthy Gauls as if it were the day prior.

If that weren’t bad enough, Vitellius had habit of spending money as if it grew on olive trees, which it did not, even in wealthy Rome. He nearly caused the imperial treasury to go bankrupt – not an easy feat. Anyone who dared to collect on debts owed by the state was killed. He was also fond of whacking those who may have (for whatever reason) named him as their heir, and invited his rivals to join him in power, only to kill them and take their money. Real nice fellow.

But the ultimate arbiter of power struggles, the army, was swift to take action. The legions in AEgyptus, Iudaea, and Syria proclaimed General Titus Flavius Vespasianus, or Vespasian, as emperor. Vespasian was given command of Iudaea by Nero in 67 CE to politely ask the Jews to stop revolting, which they were convinced to do. Ultimately, this ended poorly for Vitellius. He whined and sniveled and tried to bribe people into helping him, but the Beatles’ lyric “can’t buy me love” turned out to be very true for poor Vitellius. He was caught and killed by Vespasian’s men on 20 Dec 69 CE. The next day, today being the anniversary, the senate recognized Vespasian as emperor.

Vespasian ruled over a stable empire for ten years and was the start of the Flavian dynasty, which lasted until 96 CE. He died of natural causes, and his last words were a somewhat comical (because he probably believed it) reference to Rome’s penchant for deifying recently deceased emperors: “Vae, puto deus fio.” “Dear me, I must be turning into a god.” Little did he know, Jesus had begun his monopoly on deified man.

Future generations of Romans refused to be outdone by this tumultuous year, however. Rome experience a “Year of the Five Emperors” in 193 CE and a “Year of the Six Emperors” in 238.

My point? I really haven’t one, other than today’s the anniversary of Vespasian’s coronation. But I figured I’d take a break from the usual current information you’re uninterested in and force feed you some historical information you’re uninterested in. I won’t make a habit of it, since that’s no way to run a successful blog-thing. But to make the pain less obvious, I’ll tie it to our political world…loosely.

Today’s politics are damn near as brutal as they were then. While we don’t have coups and the such in America, we do have vicious political maneuvers by politicians you could describe as less than ethical. And while Roman politicians and emperors could be literally killed for their aspirations, today’s politicians can die a hundred figurative deaths. I think the Romans would be happy they don’t have to politick in our system.

Word of the Day: Finical (adjective): Extremely or unduly particular in standards or taste; fastidious; finicky. This word has a smiling picture of Iowa next to it in the dictionary.

On This Day in History: Thomas the Apostle was killed in India (72?). The Mayflower pilgrims land on Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts (1620). Pam Am Flight 103 explodes over Lockerbie, Scotland, killing 270 people (1988). Divalia was celebrated today, in honor of the Angerona/Voluptia, goddess of joy and pleasure and was responsible for driving away the sorrow of life.

“Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.” – Ambrose Bierce

Morning Coffee (81)

Did you know that 4 out of 5 readers prefer their Morning Coffee served with a slice of sarcasm?

On the way in to brew the Coffee this morning, I was once again listening to my massive mix CD. This time, “Born in the USA” by Bruce Springsteen came on, and I came to the sudden realization that Springsteen might have the worst singing voice of any iconic American musician, but for some reason, you like listening to him. For some reason, when you hear that synthesized piano thing in the intro to “Born” you’re always like, “I love Springsteen.” He’s gotten better with age, but back when he did the album “Born in the USA” he just sounded like a tortured kitten with that constant yell/singing thing he did. Despite that, it’s a good album, and he’s a good musician, even if the meaning to his most recognized song is misunderstood.

Presidential Dynasties:

I’m sure by now you’ve all heard that if Hillary is elected in 2008, we’ll have had two families in our highest office since 1988. It would be even worse were she to be re-elected in 2012, which is not out of the question as the incumbent. Maybe no one has thought about this, but we could have a Bush or a Clinton in the White House for 28 years total. From 1988 to 2016. This is a very real possibility. Do we really think this is a good precedent?

Allow me to grandly hypothesize for a moment. Join me in it, because if we can’t imagine and be scared of a future, then what shall deter us from it? A worst case scenario could be a 63 year old Jeb Bush running in 2016 and serving two terms. By then (2024) Chelsea Clinton would be 44. She’d be a young candidate, sure, but she could run and serve two terms. That’d put our dynasty out until 2032. Forty-four years of rule by two families. This wouldn’t be such a bad thing if all of the above were qualified, quality candidates. But Hillary Clinton already sees herself as heir apparent, how bad would the Bush/Clinton perception of entitlement get after her terms as our President. Jeb Bush might sweep in like a savior in 2016 as a reminder of the Bush-era. Same with Clinton in 2024. Nostalgia is a powerful thing, and it rarely forces one to remember accurately. And this is only the family members presently in the public eye.

When my grandchildren and their children reflect on our nation in the distant future, I’d rather not have the blight of a 44-year two-family dynasty on the political record. There are enough political blights to be ashamed of in our nation, and by then there will be more. But this, to me, would be amongst the most offensive. I grant you that this is an extremely unlikely possibility, because I do have a little faith in the people to not choose this path, but it is nonetheless a possibility. If we simply dismiss this possibility as impossible, we are then in gross negligence, and what is to stop it from becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Thus Falls the Giant:

Have you not heard? We have surrendered. We have surrendered to Ahmadenijad; conceded defeat by issuing the National Intelligence Estimate on Iran’s nuclear program. Ahmadenijad says so. The NIE was a declaration of surrender. It was not an intelligence product tainted by political pandering. No, friends, it was surrender to the glory and power of Ahmadenijad. Just keep that in mind for next time. Surrenders are subtle these days.

To celebrate Ahmadenijad’s victory over tyranny and totalitarianism, his government shut down 24 internet cafes and coffee shops and arrested 23 people (11 women) in a 24 hour dragnet intended to fight immorality. You know, immoral computer games, the storing of obscene photos, and the presence of women wearing improper hijab (hats instead of scarves). Go freedom and democracy.

Since I may be called away at any time this morning, I will down the last of our Coffee and bid you adieu.

Word of the Day: Pari passu (PAIR-ee-PASS-oo) (adverb): At an equal pace or rate.

On This Day in History: The Second Battle of Trebia (218 BCE). Hannibal once again thrashes the army of the Roman Republic. In the aftermath, the Roman Senate elects two new consuls, one of which being Gaius Flaminius, who would lead the army to another defeat against Hannibal at Lake Trasimene the next year. Nothing like losing 60,000 men (killed, wounded or captured) in two battles. Also, the Thirteenth Amendment was ratified by Georgia, putting it into effect and banning slavery in the United States (1865).

“I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.” – James A. Baldwin

“Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.” – George Bernard Shaw

Morning Coffee (80)

Good day to you. May a thousand vultures peck out your eyes.

I Curse Thee:

I was thinking about Roman curses this morning and did a little research on them. Romans were incredibly spiteful and jealous and loved their curses, which they generally written down rather than spoken. These were called tabulae defixiones. Apparently the curse lasted only as long as the material upon which it was written, and all of the ones that have been found were written on thin sheets of lead (more accurately pewter) using a stylus (and have thus lasted 2,000 or more years). They were then rolled up with the writing on the inside and placed in a location where the curse would have maximum effect, like the home of the victim. A person could be cursed for innumerable reasons, including theft, murder, shady business deals and even envy. The text on the tabulae defixiones were usually addressed to a god who was to enact the punishment and listed the reasons for the curse and the suspects of the slight if he or she wasn’t known to the curser. The curse itself could be for just about anything; forgetting the words to a speech, sexual impotence, shriveling of limbs and appendages, or becoming dizzy during an important moment. But the language was usually colorful and verbose, often including qualifiers such as, “whoever committed this” or “if he is guilty.” Curses often included nonsensical “curse words” which may have leant some sort of efficacy to the curse and some tabulae defixiones were accompanied by small figurines that were sometimes pierced by nails, similar to a Voodoo doll.

Here’s an excellent example of a Roman curse, found in Bath, England:

“May he who carried off Vilbia from me become liquid as the water; may she who so obscenely ate her lose the power of speech; whether the culprit be Velvinna, Exsupereus, Severinus, Augustalis, Comitanius, Catusminianus, Germinalla or Jovina.”

I wonder what the phrase “ate her” means. In any event, as with most fun things Roman, cursing people died out as Christianity took hold, but the curses that have been found provide keen insight into the hopes, desires, and wishes of every day Romans. I’ll bet life would be more colorful if we had curses today though.

New al-Qaida Production – Straight to Video:

Ayman al-Zawahiri, al-Qaida’s second in command, released a new video tape recently. It’s no Girls Gone Wild, by any means, but it’s still pretty interesting. In this video, al-Zawahiri informs us that the United States is failing (“defeated”) in Iraq and is simply looking for an exit strategy. He says, “The reports from Iraq tell of the growth of the mujahedeen and the collapse of the Americans' circumstances.” By “growth” Ayman means “collapse in numbers”, and by “mujahedeen” he means “guys with American targets painted on their heads.” He’s confused.

Al-Zawahiri also stated that Sunni Arab tribes are traitors who are the recipients of “oceans of bribes” from the Americans. No, they’re not tired of their children being burned alive or their relatives having their heads cut off, they simply like the good old fashioned American dollar (at least someone does nowadays).

Of course, in the same video he says, “We are seeing a triple failure for the Americans in Iraq. No matter how much the gigantic propaganda machine in America tries to deceive the people, the reality is stronger and worse than all the deceptions.” So we’re all clear: do not believe American propaganda machine, believe instead al-Qaida propaganda machine. Got it. Reality is stronger than propaganda, and it’s worse than all the deceptions. Which is why no one believes that the insurgents are presently winning; reality simply doesn’t support that. I’m sure, however, that al-Qaida’s target audience will likely believe Ayman “Honest Injun” al-Zawahiri’s propaganda vice ours.

In the video, al-Zawahiri wore a white robe and turban and sat in front of Islamic theology and law books, i.e. copies of the Quran and various other books full of quoted Quranic verses.

Word of the Day: Unfledged (adjective): 1. Lacking the feathers necessary for flight. 2. Not fully developed; immature. Al-Zawahiri has an unfledged perception of the success of the mujahedeen.

On This Day in History:

Pope Clement establishes a parallel body to the Inquisition in Portugal (1531). General Ulysses S Grant issues General Order No. 11, which expels Jews from Tennessee, Mississippi, and Kentucky (1862).

The Wright Brothers make their first powered flight at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina (1903). The US Air Force closes out Project Blue Book, stating that UFO sightings were the result of a “mild form of mass hysteria” (1969).

Brigadier General James Dozier was abducted by the Red Brigade in Verona, Italy (1981). He was eventually rescued by Italian anti-terrorist forces after 42 days. I met this guy. He would be the first one to tell you that his force protection methods were grossly negligent and resulted in his relatively easy capture.

The Roman festival Saturnalia, in honor of Saturn, god of agriculture and harvest, began.

“In the absence of justice, what is sovereignty but organized robbery?” – Saint Augustine of Hippo

“That government is best which governs least.” – Thomas Paine“Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?” – Will Rogers

Morning Coffee (04)

Today's Morning Coffee is brought to you by Apathy. When you just don't care, apathy is there.

Weather's pretty nice here as we sit at about 43 degrees; supposed to get into the mid-50s. Most of the week is forecasted in the mid-60s. At least it hasn't snowed yet. Oh, how Erie sucks; though I guess not everyone thinks so considering the number of people that live there.

I hope everyone's weekend was okay. No, not good or great, just okay. Mine was just okay. I did however, find a neat little park about five minutes from my big $1,000 a month rental house. It's actually a preserve; there are waterfalls, gnarly cliffs, and a cave to go along with a ton of trails. I didn't get a chance to check out the "thorny badlands" but I will get to that soon.

On to more important things. Saddam has been sentenced to death. So what will this mean? I don't know, probably not much considering that he must still stand trial for a number of other crimes. It could literally be years before the man is hung (and he has requested that he be executed by firing squad, you know, a death befitting of a "military man."). It's good to see Iraq on par with the US in one area. Nothing like spending countless dollars on a condemned man's food and housing. You'd think that the rest of the charges would be moot. Imagine being sentenced to death on day, and then six months later, you are fined $25,000 for some minor felony. Then, six months later, you're sentenced to a year in prison for some other crime. It seems to me that the climax has already been reached, you should just roll in all the other stuff. Of course I say this in jest. Who knows, the punishment for his next charge might be NOT being hung by the neck until he be dead, dead, dead. That would be an emotional rollercoaster.

There is not much else worth mentioning today; the Morning Coffee will be a little bit light. Consider it black today, without the fattening cream and sugar of days past. Maybe it's a bit more healthy.

You'll be saddened to know that the contest has no winner. You people call yourselves analysts? You don't get to know the answer now, but I welcome your continued attempts. And by that I mean, AN attempt.

Henry Louis Mencken, a great journalist of the early-mid 20th Century said, "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." I concur, Henry, but I might add one thing: It takes a great man to know when those times are upon him. Mencken also wrought one of my favorite quotes: "Puritanism - The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."

Word of the Day: Copse (noun): A thicket or grove of small trees.
On this Day in History: Roman Emperor Constantius II elevates his cousin Julian to the rank of Ceasar (355 CE).