Morning Coffee (104)

As I drove this morning, I noticed something in the sky. It was very low, and I could barely make it out through the trees. But I could see that it was sort of pale orange, and quite large. At first, I thought it was some sort of strange light, maybe some advertisement to a store or something. It was so odd looking that I uttered aloud, “What the hell is that?” As I pulled into a parking lot, I continued to look it occurred to me that it might be the moon. Turns out it was. It was pretty much the biggest, weirdest looking moon I’ve ever seen and I wish that I had the opportunity to sit and watch it. Of course, it was colder than hell, so sitting in my truck would have been the order of the day, but still. It would be nice to sit and enjoy nature once in a while. Someday perhaps.

Speaking of the moon, there will be a lunar eclipse in the western hemisphere late Wednesday and early Thursday. This is allegedly a recreation of the eclipse that saved Christopher Columbus in 1504. See, the locals were getting a little upset with Columbus and his pals mooching off them. They were always coming over unannounced and drinking the natives’ beer and eating their food while watching football games, but they never seemed to bring anything to share. Sometimes they’d borrow the tribe’s lawnmower or weedwacker and not return them for weeks, and the tribe’s grass would grow so high that the little native babies would get lost. The final straw came when Columbus’s first mate spliced the native’s cable line and began stealing cable and the next day broke their encrypted Time-Warner wireless internet account. Chief Nahgonnatakenoguff confronted Columbus about it and said that his tribe was pretty much fed up and would start killing, cooking, and then eating Columbus’s crew, starting with Columbus himself. Columbus, after a bit of nervous hand-wringing, consulted his trusty German mathematician-created astronomical almanac and saw that a total eclipse would take place on 29 Feb. Armed with this bit of European technology, Columbus began Operation NATIVE DUPE. He called up the Chief and told him that if he and his tribe didn’t start being more friendly to the white men of his tribe, he (Columbus) would make the moon disappear the next night. They were understandably skeptical of such a boast. However, Columbus was good to his word, thanks be to German mathematics. He did make the moon disappear. The Chief’s son, Cowedbydaman, leapt up in fear, wrapped his scrawny arms around Columbus’s legs, and begged him to make the moon reappear. Not wanting to disappoint, and having no choice, he acquiesced and the moon soon reappeared, to the delight of the natives (and the tides). Needless to say, Columbus and his men had all the free cable and chicken wings for which they could ask, and were rescued on 29 June of that same year. The natives got theirs in the end, however. When more white men landed on the New World, the natives proved elusive; moving westward; never letting the Europeans accomplish their unspoken, burning goal of completely eradiating them. I can’t help but wonder what would have happened had some bright young native simply said, “Wait a minute, Christopher. Do it again tomorrow night!”

Nevertheless, I will test this method of coercion. At 0900, I will march into my boss’s office and demand a raise and a promotion, or I’ll make the moon disappear tomorrow night. Being the superstitious man that he is, I suspect that my psychological operation will work and that I will be promoted by the end of the week.

Believe in this Campaign, AND Yourself!:

This morning, in addition to the wonders of nature, I observed the wonders of man and his impressive capacity for self-delusion. By this I mean I heard an Obama advertisement. In it, some young woman was saying something about going out to vote or something. But then, Obama himself came on the air. It was a recorded segment of some speech he gave somewhere (probably more than once). He asked me to believe in his campaign. He asked me to believe in myself. And then he threw in America, for good measure. The problem for me is, well, I already believe in myself. And if our collective self-esteem is as such that we need a campaign and a Presidential candidate to tell us to believe in ourselves, then we’ve got problems. Seriously, this is his message. Notice that that is not a question. It’s a statement. THIS is his message. His campaign is more about his campaign than it is anything else, and one has to wonder if there isn’t some sort of messianic complex going on.

His main campaign slogan is, “Change we can believe in.” That’s it. Just change we can believe in. Anyone can get behind that. I mean, it’s change, and change is good. But is it really? In what context is this change? What sort of change are we talking about? Or maybe they’re just stating the obvious; the fact that in 2009 we’ll have a new President. Political slogans like this, void of any substance whatsoever, make me slightly ill. Or maybe it’s the antibiotics I’m taking. Or a combination of both. Either way, if Obama wants to talk about change, there are a number of issues he can get onboard with. Let’s start with term limits and work from there. Come on Obama. That’s some Change I Can Believe In.

As an aside, Clinton accused Obama of plagiarism of an excellent speech by Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick. Portions of Obama’s speech were remarkably similar, and the delivery wasn’t nearly as good. For as good as Obama is at speaking, I guess he should stick to his own material if that’s how he’s going to butcher the “borrowed” material. Anyway, Obama’s campaign then accused Clinton of plagiarism and the whine fest ensued. For what it’s worth, Patrick says he and Obama share material. Neat. How’s that for Change?

Alley Cat Scratched Wrong Post:

Kirstie Alley recently gave the Church of Scientology $5 million; money she earned as the spokeswoman for Jenny Craig. She apparently then gained some weight, and was promptly dumped by Jenny Craig. Perhaps she should have thought twice about giving all that cash to the Church of Scientology because she might need it. Maybe the Church will feed her. Or not. Big feed bill. Okay, that was a little low for this faux publication.

Word of the Day: Abominate (transitive verb): To hate in the highest degree; to detest intensely; to loathe; to abhor. Holy cow. I can’t believe I missed this word.

On This Day in History: Roman Emperor Setimius Severus defeats the usurper Clodius Albinus in the Battle of Lugdunum (modern Lyon, France) (197 CE). This was said to be the bloodiest battle between Roman forces. Cassius Dio, a Roman historian, claims that the numbers involved were approximately 150,000 on each side. This is disputed, as 300,000 is about three-quarters of the entire number of Roman soldiers in the empire at the time. Serfdom is abolished in Russia (1861). The phonograph is patented by Thomas Edison (1878).

“Just words? 'We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.' Just words? Just words? 'We have nothing to fear but fear itself.' Just words? 'Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.' Just words?...” - Gov. Patrick (Oct 2006).

"Don't tell me words don't matter. 'I have a dream.' Just words? 'We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.' Just words? 'We have nothing to fear but fear itself.' Just words? Just speeches?" – Barack Obama (November 2008).

Morning Coffee (99)

Welcome back, Coffee drinkers, to the second or third best virtual barista on the net. I don’t know of a better one, but surely, one must exist in the great expanse of the World Wide Web.

Primary Mission: South Carolina Primary:

Yesterday, South Carolinians had their Democratic soiree. It was a rout. Barack Obama utterly dominated the event; he took 55% of the vote to Hillary Clinton’s 27%; 25 delegates to 12. Obama took 80% of the African-American vote, which is interesting when one considers that Hillary’s husband “Bubba” was our nation’s “first black President.” Not that anyone should be surprised with this, or the likely fact that Obama will be the Democratic nominee for President. It’s not that he’s more qualified than Clinton; it’s that Clinton is perceived to represent the Same Old Washington, whereas Obama is perceived to be New and Fresh.

Remember that the operative word is “perceived” in both cases. I do not think that Clinton inherently represents the Same Old Washington anymore than Obama is New and Fresh. Obama’s claim that he offers something new is somewhat undermined by his supporters, who in their zeal to defend him brusquely remind us that he’s been an elected representative in government a lot longer than Clinton has. This is true. Should we assume that just because the majority of his career has been in the Illinois legislative branch that he’s void of all the archetypical traits of political hacks?

In addition to this perception, and perhaps directly rooted in this perception, Clinton (and the Clintons) is easily the most divisive entity in modern politics. For example, take this bit from William Greider from “The Nation”, a left-liberal magazine, who was paraphrased by Peggy Noonan recently in the Wall Street Journal:

The Clintons are "high minded" on the surface but "smarmily duplicitous underneath, meanwhile jabbing hard at the groin area. They are a slippery pair and come as a package. The nation is at fair risk of getting them back in the White House for four years."

And that’s what their likeminded ilk say of them. You cannot get more divisive than this. Being high-minded but smarmily duplicitous underneath is not something you want to be known for in politics. At least not widely known for.

The bottom-line in the Democratic field is very similar to that in the Republican field: which is the lesser evil? Unfortunately, Obama might be the lesser of the two. Is that an MC endorsement of Obama? No. In fact, in the knife fight of foreign relations, I think I might rather have Hillary wielding the blade. But I suppose it doesn’t really matter, since if the Democratic nominee is elected, we’ll have finally elected either a woman or an African-American as President. At least we’ll have that burden off our backs.

But it is even possible for Obama to win in a general election? Is it possible for either candidate to win? I ask because it is possible that by the end of the nomination process, the Democratic nominee will be so battered that he/she will be unable to stand against the relatively unscathed Republican nominee. Take the most recent debates for example. The Democratic one was extremely aggressive and combative; the Republican one very congenial. Republicans might not have to do any digging at all to find dirt on the Dem’s nominee; the Dems will do it for them.

A Miss America for the New Age:

Enough of politics (for now). The Miss America pageant is distinctly, well, American. When you think of this pageant, you think of a wholesome pageant of young, attractive, talented and sometimes smart women parading around in conservative evening gowns and one piece bathing suits. No more. The clothes, er, gloves have come off. Miss Michigan Kirsten Haglund has won the new, hipper, Miss America pageant. One with gold and black two-piece bikinis. Yeah, that’s right. I said two-piece bikinis. While you were watching reruns of “Everybody Loves Raymond” on TBS, prospective Miss Americas were showing off skin in revealing evening gowns and sporting two-piece bikinis while singing songs and twirling batons on TLC. This is a new era in beauty pageants. We should rejoice.

Not really. Who cares?

War Declared on Scientology:

A group of hackers calling themselves Anonymous declared war on The Church of Scientology yesterday. Their declaration, in video form, can be viewed by clicking on the last link, and it is quite entertaining. Please watch it. For a better story, however, turn to this CNET article.

From what I’ve read, Anonymous went ahead and began their war by defacing a number of Scientology websites and actually succeeded in bringing down the official US site of Scientology. When I checked it was up, however. It’s possible that it went down simply because of the number of hits it got after the Anonymous video was put on YouTube. Interestingly enough, another hacker group called The Regime took down a site frequented by the members of Anonymous. From what I gathered, the site was back up within minutes, but was then hit again. When I visited it, I saw The Regime’s handiwork: “This site has been taken down for violating Church of Scientology copyright.” Interesting.

Anonymous wants to destroy Scientology. I think that’s a noble idea; probably not possible, especially by these people, but noble. Anonymous will maybe make life difficult for a few system administrators, but beyond that, it’s unlikely that they could do much of anything. It’s somewhat difficult to undermine an ideology as robust as Scientology simply by hacking its websites. The only way any damage at all could be inflicted would be through constant, systematic attacks on their sites, and then it might only succeed in slightly limiting conversions to the cult, er, religion.

It is possible that an ideology, even one as established as Scientology, can be defeated, but not through such paltry means. But perhaps the work has begun, as the German government does not acknowledge it as a religion. The most damaging thing that could be done to the Church of Scientology would be the revocation of its tax-exempt status by the US government. This would be a step towards recognizing the Church for what it is. This would never happen, not in the US where Freedom of Religion is so important that we allow dangerous cults to flourish so long as they have enough wealth to file innumerable lawsuits and wholesome looking spokesmen and women like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. But I can dream, can’t I?

Word of the Day: Indelible (adjective) 1. That cannot be removed, erased, or washed away; 2. Making marks that cannot easily be removed or erased.
3. Incapable of being forgotten; memorable.

On This Day in History: Trajan becomes the Roman emperor (98 CE). The two-year siege of Stalingrad is lifted (1944).

“Went to a doctor and I asked her to make this stop. Got medication, a new addiction. Fuckin’ thanks a lot.” – Unwritten Law, “Save Me.”